Easy......ya just don't lead 'em so much

So today's a very special topic.....and no it's not the "notable gingers" column making a comeback. Although I should really get off my lazy ass and write something on that one of these days.  Most of you that know me know I'm pretty much a nerd at heart and love me some video games......more specifically Call of Duty.  I've played this game series since the original Call of Duty on playstation where you storm the beaches of Normandy and I've played every game they've released since then.  I mean, the game is the sole reason I purchased an Xbox 360 to begin with.  This past Tuesday, November 10th, marked the release of the latest installment of the series, Modern Warfare 2.  Needless to say, I was excited, along with my roommates and apparently the other 2.6 million people that are playing the game on live. I mean....I took off from work all day Tuesday just so I could play the game.  I've been waiting for this for as long as I've heard about it bout, more than six months ago; probably closer to a year ago.  Let me just put it into perspective for you: I was perusing gamestop's website and read that some stores were opening the 10th at midnight to release the game if you had pre-ordered it.  So I went up to the local gamestop, told the guy I had read about opening at 12 and if the Rome store was going to. He said yes and that I could preorder the game now.  My reply? A big "fuck yeah!!!" The sales associate gave me a weird look....I just looked at him and said," Sorry man, this is the most exciting thing I have going on in my life right now." That was about 2 weeks before the game came out.  My roommates and I decided to wait in line at the gamestop Monday night, grab that shit at midnight, and be on xbox live by 12:15 to play for the remainder of the night.  Monday night rolls around, we get to the gamestop at about 8 or so that evening to sit and wait.  After about an hour we're already tired of standing so we call up one of our roommates to bring us some lawn chairs.....twenty minutes later he shows up all Johnny on the spot like with some lawn chairs and a clutch six-pack.  Nothing really exciting happens from 8:30 till 11 so I'll just skip that.  When 11 hit, a buzz of excitement was in the air......the acclaimed "most anticipated game of the decade" was coming out in an hour.  By this point, the line had grown a considerable amount, stretching a few hundred yards or so. and this line was about two abreast so if it would have been single file it would have been one long ass line.  I kept thinking to myself when people would drive by and gawk," What the fuck are they staring at? Obviously a video game is coming out and we're standing in line for this shit!" Then I took a look at some of my fellow linestanders.......a frightening sight.  I'm talkin about your stereotypical gamers. You ever seen that episode of South Park where the kids play World of Warcraft and get all fat and pimply??? If not, you're an r-tard. just kidding. but seriously.  But that was pretty much it.....there was some kid, could only have been 5'8, at least 250 pounds was walking around smoking Marlboro Reds (100s no less) and chugging a 2 liter of Mountain Dew. The guy next to me leaned over and said, "Jesus Christ I dunno if that kid will even make it back to his house." I think he was right.....that poor bastard was destined for a short life.  I can't really say anything though, I was standing in line with these fuckers.  And I had been in that line for an hour or two longer than them.  Like I said...I'm a nerd at heart.  By the time 11:30 rolls around the mood turned from anxiousness to straight up violent. People trying to push their way to the front of the line, cursing, yelling to let them in the fucking door. haha, this shit was hilarious. Although I was right alongside them, yelling and cursing too,  I wanted to play the damn game so bad.  Tension was running high and I found my relief in a bare ass.  Around 11:45, while everybody's standing there we hear a horn honk and someone yell, "HEY YOU FUCKING NERDS!" We all turn around to see this Oldsmobile Cutlass driving by and the passenger sticking his big pale white ass out the window and proceeded to drive past the entire line honking and flicking us off.  It was a much needed relief as everybody started crackin up, throwing food at the passing car, and returning the favor.  I'd say it was almost worth standing in line just to see that.  I still crack up just thinking about that shit.  Midnight rolls around, we get the game, and make it back to the house.  All three of us that went had already ripped the shrink wrap off and prolly taken the discs out of the cases by the time it took us to get from the truck to the front door.  My xbox had been out of commission so one of my roommates let me use his for the evening.  So my roommates Logan and Allen have already loaded their disc's in their consoles and they are honestly running around the house screaming they're so excited.  I go to load my disc and then it happens....the most epic failure ever, the little blue screen pops up saying that the disc is unreadable. I look at Allen and tell him, this fucker thinks I'm kidding; he laughs and all like yeah that would suck. I said no motherfucker it does suck. We tried all of our discs in it and not a single one worked. Other games worked in it and the the discs all worked in the other xbox's. I was crushed...just my luck to stand in line for four hours and when I get back the fucking xbox doesn't even work. I couldn't do anything but laugh.  I watched both of my roommates play it a bit but then I decided to go to sleep cause I couldn't handle just sitting and watching, I had to play it! I got up around 6:30 or so the next morning to the sounds of a warzone blasting through our front room. I'm talking airstrikes, helicopter gunships and fully automatic small arms fire. I go to the front and Logan's still sitting there, in a daze, eyes glazed over still going at the game. It was a sight. So I pretty much took over from him, let him get some rest, and I got to playing.  All I can say is HOLY SHIT! This is by far, the best video game ever. I've only played a little bit of the single player campaign and the two-player special ops. I mostly stick with the online play and it is ridiculous.  I'd go into details but I wouldn't want to bore those who don't play and everybody that does play already knows about it.  Needless to say I've been calling in AC-130's and wrecking folks. I mean come on, the plane has a 105 mm howitzer on it...what's not to love about that shit.  Watching me play reminds me of that scene from Full Metal Jacket with the door gunner on the Jolly Green who says "get some". No it's not that I shoot women and kids, cause that'd be easy (joke, I'd never shoot women or kids).....it's that I'm so fucking good, that ain't no shit neither.  If you're ever on xbox live, my gamertag is RonnieAtTheBar, get at me.  If you're lucky I'll put on a clinic for your ass.

"The Power of Christ Compels You"

There are many in this world that piss me off. However, nothing compares to the loathing I have for shitty drivers.  And the majority of these drivers have one thing in common........they all have one of those fucking Jesus fish on the back of their cars.  I believe everyone's familiar with these things; but if you've been living under a rock or the preferred location of your head is up your ass, this is what they look like:  

 Now if you're either unfamiliar with the history of the Jesus Fish, or to0 lazy to google it, let me break it down like a fraction. I happen to be neither of those, I fancy myself to be quite the history buff; I mean come on, this is coming from the nerd who was fascinated with Star Wars (no, not the movie.....Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative that would protect us from those godless Commies back in the day; the movie was good too though).  On another note, did you know that the only reason in God we trust was added to our currency was to separate the "God-fearing" Americans from the "Godless" Communists? Gimme a fuckin break!  Anyways I'm getting off topic.  The Jesus Fish, or Ichthys, has a long history with a pretty badass original purpose.  At the time, Romans were persecuting Christians for their beliefs.  In response, Christians began using the Ichthys as a secret symbol to differentiate friend from foe and mark meeting places and/or tombs of Christians.  As a proponent of giving the middle finger to authority, I thought this was interesting.  However, this is no longer the case as the purpose of the fish has been desecrated and reduced to nothing more than a "I drive like a jackass" symbol.  I currently reside in Rome, Georgia: the brass buckle of the bible belt and home of chicken-fucker's and apparently exorcists (Jesus Christ, don't get me fucking started).  I don't really have the time to delve into all the details but you can read up about it @ http://www.ajc.com/news/exorcism-stirs-debate-among-156431.html

  Anyways, it's a fucking disgrace what my Alma Mater is becoming.  An amazing education, but a safehaven for radicals (and people say the Middle East is bad).  But I digress.  It's also a safehaven for all these piss-poor drivers.  Two instances bring up these thoughts. The first one was more recent, the other morning I woke up to a drunken stupor after an all night benda.  To quote Pastor Troy, "I was riding with Phil...to drunk to be behind the wheel, and packin my steel, just in case they need the thrill," except his name wasn't Phil and I wasn't carrying a gun (I like my 2nd Amendment right too much to do some dumb shit like that).  Anyways we're not even 10 seconds from getting back to my house and this jackass blows through the stop sign right by my house and swerves into our lane of traffic.  Lucky enough "Phil" was paying attention swerved to the right and put on the brakes.  This prick who runs the stop sign has the nerve to lay on her horn and stare at us like we're in the wrong.  Bitch, I'm the one that's being responsible and having someone else drive me! So she drives past us and I turn around to stare.....Low and behold she's got a Jesus fish on the back of her car.  Another time I was pulling out of Berry College via the access road.  Somehow, someway, this girl slams into the back of my car.  Did I mention this girl was right behind me in line to pull out; yet in the short distance she was able to slam into me....like I said, somehow someway.  I pull over on the side of the road to check out the damage. Before I even get to the back of my car, this chick's all like, "My car's fine." Cool bitch, I didn't ask. Welcome to an accident that's your fault, where nobody cares what happens to your car.  Luckily my car was fine and everybody was uninjured.  I should have sick burned the girl and gotten in touch with my buddy's law firm claiming back injuries........I'm just kidding, I don't promote false insurance/injury claims. The law firms do their research, then you just look like a broke ass looking for a hand-out.  So as I'm getting back into my car and starting it up this girl goes flying by me, damn near clipping the back of me.  Not only does this girl have a Jesus fish, she has the worst kind of Jesus fish. The one of the fish and the Greek letters ΙΧΘΥΣ inside it.  Why do I have such a disdain for this fish you ask.....One because I guaran-fuckin-tee you that more often than not, the possessor doesn't speak Greek, let alone know those were letters from the Greek alphabet, and two, even if they did know it was Greek, they wouldnt know what it meant. Oh and if you're wondering, I is the first letter of Iesous, Greek for Jesus. Chi, or kh, are the first letters of Khristos, or Christ.  Theta is the first letter of Theou, or God's.  Upsilon is the first letter of uios, the Greek word for Son. And finally Sotar is the first letter of soter, meaning Savior.  I can't take credit for all of that. I did know it was Greek, and I did know what it stood for, just checking on spelling and what-not.  I'm also missing accent marks and the like, forgive me.

After all this, one would think I'm anti-God. This isn't the case.  Although I may not agree with you, I respect everybody's right to practice their own religion.  I just don't respect those people who promote their own religion by slapping an ad for God on their car and driving around like a jackass.  By the way these people drive, one would think that they actually believe God will save them from harm, protect them from their dumb decisions, or use his guidance to make up for their apparent lack of logic.  Only in America. I love my country but hate its citizens sometimes!  It makes me think of that line from the movie, The Exorcist (ironic how I'm quoting that), when Fr. Damien Karass is casting Satan out yelling, "The Power of Christ Compels You!!!"  That's cool and all, but if you're going to have him compel you, have him compel you to do great things with your life, not to use his name as an excuse to be wreckless and cavalier with the lives of others.

If you think anything I have said is vulgar or offensive in any way, you can go to the previous page and read the disclaimer.  Or to quote Les Grossman of Tropic Thunder fame, "I could send you a hobo's dickcheese.....until then and as usual, Go Fuck Yourself."

       

Vomiting on Cars

So yesterday was my sister's boyfriend, Sylvan's, birthday.  I always enjoy hangin with my sister and him for two reasons: 1) They're just all around good folk and 2) whatever we're doing it often times involves drinking.  Come to think of it, it's always involved drinking. Mass quantities of it. Unfortunately, my sister had to work the next day so she wasn't able to drink her usual amount.  That's alright though, Sylvan and I made up for her.  So I get down there and the night started with a few beers at the house, catching up and watching some Always Sunny.  After that, we headed out to a place out in Little Five Points called the Vortex.  Fuckin cool ass restaurant. Hands down one of the best burgers I've had. Went to a bar to meet up with some of Sylvan's friends. These guys are cool as shit. So we started off drinking a few buckets of Genesee Cream Ale.  I'll be honest....I haven't been drinking alot lately so I was already getting kind of tipsy.  Someone orders a round of Jameson, take that and get back to drinking some more beers.  A motion was made to head upstairs for a little shuffleboard action.  I was thinking we were gonna get up there and there'd be some old folks wearing strap-on sandals and bermuda shorts. Luckily, this wasn't the case.  Shuffleboard on a table. Cool shit.  So we get another round of Jameson, another bucket, and make our way upstairs.  This is where things get blurry for me.  Numerous buckets of beer and multiple shots were consumed.  My sister left because she had to work. I'm making it sound like she was getting loaded then driving home.  This isn't the case.....she probably had a beer the whole time.  I told her I'd look after Sylvan. hahahaha. So we continue on with a few beers and then it's about time to head home.  And for some reason, we thought it would be a good idea to have some Irish Car Bomb's. Yes, that is plural. So we take one. Have another shot. Then take another bomb. Sylvan makes this burping sound, looks like he's gonna lose it, but then regains his composure.  He makes the comment,"If I don't throw up immediately, I'm alright. I'm that kind of guy."  So we get a ride home.  On the wayback me and the person in the front seat are talking about the finer side of pigs, as any connoisseur of barbeque would.  Meanwhile I see Sylvan leaning out the window.  I'm just thinking he's drunk and yelling at somebody.  We get back to the house and get out to say bye and this girl just start screaming, "What the FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?! You threw up on my car!!!" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, there was puke all over the side of this girl's car.  I couldn't stop laughing.  I woke up this morning still drunk and with a lot less money.  Needless to say, I'll be back soon.

Fuck Y'all.....I'm gon to the Netherlands

So today is Friday, marking the first installment of "notable gingers."  This is where I discuss some of the notable gingers of the world.......obviously.  I'll be honest, this prolly won't stay for very long as I can only think of a handful of 'em so I'll probably have to come up with something else to fill the void.  It aint easy bein a ginge (not to be confused with a minge), as they are often time the brunt of many people's jokes and bullying.  However, I could give a shit cause I have no soul.  Anyways, in the Netherlands a tradition has started appropriately called "Redhead Day," where gingers from across the globe come to to enjoy a weekend of redhead related activities and discussion.  Not only do some notable gingers give speeches talking about their experiences as a ginger, there are many specialty classes taught, ranging from style, discrimination against us, and dermatology (fuck that....tell me my hair aint luxurious when you know it is bitch!).  I'm not making this shit up folks. Hell to be honest, I don't even think I could.  I didn't think enough people gave a damn about ginger's to give them their own day, let alone an entire weekend.  Only outside of America.  To read the whole article http://rupertgrint.net/rupertised09/?p=446.  The one thing that gets to me is the painter's belief that all ginger's have some sort of inexplicable bond, which makes the festival a huge hit.......that's some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard.  It's not like they're old war buddies from the Bulge, something that would really make people close.  You're talking about people with the same hair.  But I digress.  I just realized that I haven't even begun talking about "notable gingers," but I have to take the birddog to the vet for his annual.  Fancy that, another way to lengthen the duration of the "notable gingers" column.

My BBQ brings all the boys to the yard, it's better than yours, but sorry I aint teachin ya shit

So as I said earlier, I'm really into cooking barbeque, or que.  Its been a few days but last weekend our barbeque team, Que Crew, competed in the 3rd Annual Cave Springs Pig Out.  Needless to say, we "smoked" the competition......wow, sorry that was fuckin lame.  There were about 14 teams that ended up showing up, alot of which were local barbeque joints.  The people have spoken and voted us 1st in the popular choice category.  This was a huge honor and we were pretty stoked about it.  We also got 3rd place in the ribs category.  Although I would've liked too have done better with the judges, when you open up a restaurant it ain't the judges that pay the bills, it's the people.  All in all, shit was straight. Thanks for everyone that helped and definitely preciate everyone that voted.

This whole blogging thing

So I'm giving this whole blogging a try.  Thanks to my buddy Jon-o, you can follow his blog @ jgballer.blogspot.com.  Tell ya a little about myself.....my name's Ryan, most people call me Ron, Ronny, Ronsta the Monsta, or any derivative of Ginger (Ginger kid, Ginger balls, or just plain ole Ginger).  I'm a manager at a local restaurant, waiting to open up my own barbeque joint of my own with my roommates.  Speaking of which, I enjoy cooking, especially barbeque.  Have a catering gig on the side, check it out at www.quecrew.com.  Some of the best meat you can put in your mouth......just ask your girl.  I like beer, whiskey, tequila, hell most alcohol. I like guns. I love the two of them together.  I'm an ardent supporter of the military and I love America. If you don't like.....well, you can get out.